Post by cinderpaw on Mar 9, 2009 19:40:47 GMT -5
[/color]absence is to love what wind is to fire...
...it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.[/color]
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___ The pain was bearable and Cinderpaw certainly didn't mind it, not with all his friends surrounding him in the way that they were. Far above the earth, resting in the swirling gases of the atmosphere, rose the sun, now streaking across the god-given land that blessed life. Long, wispy clouds streaked across the sky, ranging in colors from paler blues to soft ivories painted by castoff rays of light. A wide, crooked grin settled across the childish creases of his face and his eyes sparkled childishly as the young tom bounced to his feet, milky-tipped toes gently pressing against the warm earth.
Cinderpaw looked wildly around, a sheepish smile covering the lovely expanse of the brown-tabby fur that spanned the expanse of his face and let out a nervous laugh, certain that the slight blush on his cheeks were really more than they were. With moons of experience in making a fool of himself in front of others, in front of Cometpaw, behind his belt, the young tom quickly wiped away the flaring feeling of embarrassment (like the rising sun) that had begun to fan his boyish face (and frame) and replaced it with a heartwarming smile, both gentle and laughing, as before, excitement almost radiating off of him.
Like nothing had happened, almost, but something had happened; not that, of course, Cinderpaw would let himself think of it, let himself drown in the sadness and pity that so many others had pushed upon him.
The young tom cast a nervous smile at Brownspot just then, hoping quite clearly that this - his careless, reckless even, nature that ruled his everyday life (despite the fact that he tried so much, unlike Talonpaw, to be as cautious and helpful as he could) - would not have an affect on his assessment, or on the view that Brownspot had of him. He frowned briefly, an odd, almost foreign (to Cinderpaw, anyway), look pressing against his usually laughing, optimistic facial expression, as he thought about this but quickly pushed it away - in less than a second - before anyone could possibly notice and confront him on the matter.
For some unfathomable reason, his thoughts flickered back to his family, back to his parents, back to Talonpaw. The mrrow of laughter that escaped the just-arrived Goldenwing fell into the distance and was mute to his ears, as if they - too - had been (was) drowning in the depths of his horrible memories. Grinning Talonpaw, teasing Talonpaw, laughing Talonpaw. Quiet, comforting, understanding Tallstone. Beautiful, stern, fretting Northwind. They were his family, they had been the family he relied on -- but now (he wasn't so sure) what were they?
Cinderpaw choked back those questions as he swallowed and took deeper breaths. He had to really stop thinking like, questioning the constants in his life, because - frankly - it was not good for his health.
A soft sigh escaped his lips and he lifted his eyes - brilliant orbs of emerald green, almost shimmering like the diamonds his mother possessed - to see one of his fellow apprentices, one of his friends (wasn't everyone, anyone his friend though?) walk into the clearing. The edge of his lips twitched into a half-smile, somewhat forced, as he watched Rootpaw with a sad, almost pitiful expression, mingled with the lingering happiness that was nearly always present upon his features. He knew - now - how hard it had to have been to cope when he (Rootpaw) lost his mother and how unhappy he must have been. It would've probably been ten times the pain that Cinderpaw had faced when his brother died; then again, would Rootpaw ever have to think about, really face, something such as the separation of the two most important figures in his life, the two figures that he had always believed would remain the constant in his life despite everything else?
He stayed silent throughout everything, even holding his tongue when Beestripe - who, he had to admit, was quite like himself - asked how they were. Cinderpaw, just then, had the sudden urge to curse and to scream and ask StarClan why in the world they chose to, they wanted to break up everything that he had important. Why they had to take everything he really wanted from him. First it was Talonpaw and that was not as bad because, although he had loved his brother - loved him more than anyone else could have thought, he also envied him and wanted to be like him. And although Cinderpaw would never admit it to anyone's face, he couldn't imagine a life with Talonpaw anymore either -- if his favorite, only brother had been on earth with him, there was not a doubt in Cinderpaw's mind that Talonpaw would've stolen Cometpaw's heart like he did everyone's elses.
If he were alive, Cometpaw probably wouldn't have known his, Cinderpaw's name, let alone be a rival/friend/crush. Despite knowing that Cometpaw would never love him, with or without Talonpaw in his life, it hurt more than anything to know that - if that had happened, if his brother hadn't been killed all those moons ago - he could've been Cometpaw's brother-in-law. It hurt, it was agonizing to know that he would've lost her to Talonpaw like that.
He breathed in sharply as a familiar flash of brown fur flickered past his eyes, that same sweet scent nearly knocking him breathless off his feet, and he looked quickly, face suddenly flushed, in the direction of Cometpaw -- and in that moment, in that single second, he felt his stomach plummet.
The young tom stared at her for a moment, feeling his breath quicken slightly, before forcing himself to focus on the task at hand, muddled jade orbs looking at Brownspot. Biting his lip as the orders were given, he gave a quiet nod and forced a smile, his mixed expression impossible to decipher. It was like the ultimate war playing across his face, battling between the relief that he wouldn't have to face Cometpaw now - not after what he'd done - and the pain, the longing, to know that he wouldn't see her again today, not even in a week.
Even as he began walking away, the tom couldn't help but stare back at Cometpaw's retreating figure, smoldering emerald pools burning against her pelt before he sighed softly, almost inaudibly, and made his way towards the river, adding a bounce to his step. Today would be a good day; it had to be.
Otherwise where would he go from here?The only guy that deserves you,
is the one that thinks he doesn’t.
The one that’ll stick by your side,
no matter how much you mess up
And the one who will forgive you,
mistake after mistake."i luffs cinderpaw. <3" → finished → 1095 words
