picking UP the PIECES { mornallorth.

[tallstone]

why can't we start over?

[/color]
damn it. damn. damn. damn. needless to say, tallstone was pissed -- very thoroughly pissed. as he all but stomped around the clearing, pacing back and forth from the entrance of camp to the warriors den - carefully avoiding the nursery for his profanities - and finishing back at the medicine cat's den, only to round about again. his blue eyes were glowing fire, brilliant and aflame -- a sight that might have been beautiful - some would say - if not for the darkness that seemed to cloud it, the positive anger that choked up every single emotion that could have been worthy of such feelings. damn starclan. damn northwind. damn morni -- oh morninglight.

morninglight. the tom paused instnatly in his steps, his vein freezing to cold ice. his ears rang with the single name, sending a pleasant shiver across his spine and a flutter through his chest. he couldn't curse morninglight, no matter how much aggravation and frustration and something almost like anger that she seemed to cause him -- because even starclan knew that he deserved it with all the things he seemed to be messing up with these days and even more so, he had to become the sort of cat that morninglight would be okay with, could fall in love with, the cat of cat she had always deserved.

honestly, tallstone wanted to hate her -- but no, that wasn't right. he didn't want to hate her, but then again, he didn't want to like her in the same impossible way that he had fallen for her because it made him so aggravatingly weak and he felt his paws shake whenever she looked at him, smiling that sweet angelic smile of his that he was positive she didn't mean for him to turn to goo. he hadn't ever been in a love like this before and while his former affections for his ex-mate had been justified, it wasn't in the same way that it felt right with morninglight. with northwind, it was almost as if it was supposed to happen. however, with the golden-hued tabby she-cat with glowing green eyes, it was different -- it was almost natural, as if instead it was "supposed" to happen, instead of everyone telling him it had already happened, morninglight proposed something entirely different -- like they were meant to be. that they were perfect. that she was perfect.

and while that was not really explaining anything, tallstone thought, it seemed to answer a whole lot more than anything he would have achieved with the chocolate-colored she-cat that he refused to think about. why was that? because he had finally begun to realize that northwind and morninglight were so different and that his comparisons meant nothing.

for example, if in some twisted alternate reality, northwind had loved him -- if she were in the position as morninglight was (which he really couldn't see because she was sweet and warm and perfect) in, things would have ended quiet differently. because northwind would have accepted him for who he was, regardless of what he had done, and they might have walked off into the sunset together -- however, what tallstone understood now, was while they might have seemed happy, the small flicker of problems that would flare between them would prevent anything from really happening. this was because of only one thing -- a tallstone from any world could never be with a northwind because they simply didn't fit. it was not possible.

on the other hand, regardless of the situation or circumstance, there was no doubt in the blue-eyed warriors mind that he would fall for morninglight like he already had. if she was in northwind's position, as if loststar was castro and cinderpaw was black instead of brown -- if morninglight had caused him pain and hurt and anguish that he should have really hated her, tallstone knew that he would never be angry with her, abhor such a hate as he had begun to for northwind, and couldn't ever be. no matter how cold and hurtful she seemed to be on the outside, in her sharp words and cool retorts, tallstone knew better -- and perhaps that was why he could never curse morninglight or at her for that matter.

the tabby tom sighed, letting his eyes flutter closed. the previous days had been hell for him, he would admit. he had been as confused as a mouse, feeling stupid as a badger and felt as if his whole entire world was spinning out of control because he still didn't know what he was supposed to do -- even with morninglight's bland words, he hadn't really understood what she wanted from him because tallstone was positive she understood the importance of knowing a cat for a very long time, your whole life. tallstone understood and accepted that maybe morninglight would never forget about beestripe or loststar and he hadn't expected her too -- and because he thought so greatly of her, he knew that she probably didn't expect him to forget about everyone else either. starclan knew that neither of them were greedy.

and then there was the problem with northwind -- who, for the life of him, he couldn't find. it was strange. in all the years he had known his mate, tallstone hadn't ever thought of her to be the type to be avoiding -- she was purely confrontational. yet, lately, it seemed as if she knew what was going to come, knew what he wanted to tell her. before his thoughts could carry further, the tom's eyes flashed open, a strange expression crossing his face and he let out a low, bitter laugh. how vain of him to think that northwind would even care.

he sighed and then looked around, forgetting what he was doing. oh right, pacing. his head was pounding though as if he hadn't slept well in days - and that was partially true, he hadn't but he had done such outrageous acts before, so it should be okay - and his heart banged ferociously like a cage in his chest, as if he should drop dead any moment from a heart attack. the world was suddenly dizzy before him and tallstone found himself stumbling slowly through the clearing. he must have tripped or something because he lost his grip on the ground and his head smashed hard into the ground, sending a sharp gasp of pain to his jaw. splayed across the ground, tallstone let out something that was close to a groan. "ah, foxdung" he cursed, his voice coming out in a painful hiss.
"speech"
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we would be perfect.

[/color][/color]

[beestripe]

Beestripe

Although nothing was spoken out loud, Beestripe could practically feel the tension in the air that had settled over RavineClan like a thick fog. It was practically smothering and the few blissful hours he had escaped to hunting in the forest were valuable indeed. But it was inevitable with their close bonds, eventually everyone would start to rub each other the wrong way and even enthusiastic, sometimes insufferably cheerful Beestripe was feeling a little irritated these days, too quick to snap, not quick enough to forget.

Once he had gotten over the initial surprise of his hidden past, accepting it had come quite easily. Morninglight was still his family and he still didn’t really know Loststar. He didn’t think blood should make that big of a difference anyway. Morninglight had raised him, loved him, protected him, and nothing could change that in Beestripe’s unwavering mindset. Surprisingly enough, knowing about his past didn’t make him feel as drastically different as he thought it would. He had always imagined that knowing would put that final piece of the puzzle in place. Yet he felt exactly the same. Same sandy pelt criss-crossed with thick black stripes. Same lanky tall body. Same bright hazel eyes flecked with green. He was exactly the same and life went on, as usual, regardless of the shocking news he had just recently heard.

Even though his whole life had been suddenly redefined, broken, and snapped back into place, he was starting to find that images of a pretty golden she cat was starting to dominate his thoughts. He groaned out loud at the thought, sure that he was becoming the very tom she-cats despised when it comes to a close friendship. She-cat exposes her deepest insecurities, trusts and loves her new best guy friend in a completely platonic way, and guy falls head over heels in love. A she-cat’s worst nightmare and a sure way to break up a friendship quickly. He just happened to realize along the way that she was gorgeous, smart, friendly, and possessed just about every trait he was looking for. But he winced at just the thought of how Goldenwing would take it, if she ever found out, him taking advantage of her momentary weakness. It was quite a predicament, but he was certain he would probably never bring it up. Confident and unafraid of rejection as he was, he would lose more than a potential relationship if he talked to her. Not to mention coming across as creepy.

That wasn’t his only problem though, he reflected suddenly as he stepped into the entrance of camp and caught sight of a silver-brown tabby pelt and a pair of flashing blue eyes that looked far more furious than the fall Beestripe just witnessed could spark. His thoughts for this particular tom were residing in an uncertain limbo at the moment. Previously, he had never seen such a smile grace his sister’s golden face. But recently she had taken to sleeping long hours in the warrior’s den and taking several private hunting trips, shunning invitations to go out with others. He didn’t resent his sister of her choice, after all, she was an adult and perfectly capable of making her own decisions. She certainly deserved a bit of happiness in her life. He just wished the path she had seemingly chosen wasn’t so rocky. Word traveled fast in Ravineclan and if she was indeed pregnant, there was not a doubt in his mind that Tallstone was the father. And from what Beestripe had gathered Tallstone and Northwind were still together.

He wasn’t sure what to think about the situation on a whole, knowing nothing of the intimate details. He doubted Morninglight would tell him, she never did like to worry him, but that made his interactions with his fellow clanmate a bit awkward if he didn’t know whether to sympathsize with him or claw him right in the flank. Innocent until proven guilty he supposed.

“Ok there, Tallstone?” he called out, pleasantly enough, considering he wasn’t sure whether this silvery-brown tom was using his sister for his own selfish purposes. He walked over, realizing that he had really never talked to him before about well…anything. Of course he was moons older, but now as warriors, they were on equal footing and could speak as equals, although Tallstone was a senior warrior. He padded over, hazel eyes neutral and composed, not sure what he was actually expecting from sparking this interaction.

[tallstone]

why can't we start over?

[/color]
tallstone had his attention suddenly diverted from the captivating she-cats that constantly occupied his brain to the single honey-hued tom with oblique streaks that reminded him so much of that special golden-colored she-cat with glowing green eyes that he had found himself entranced with. beestripe, the "brother" of morninglight and the very same cat who constantly kept the whole of ravineclan in high hopes with his brilliant smiles and neverending laughter. beestripe who, because of his twinkling eyes and childish charm, never ceased to remind them of both talonpaw and cinderpaw at once, no matter how different the two brothers seemed to be.

he looked up, blinking blue eyes slowly and gently pushed himself to his paws, a strange expression easing across his face that seemed to be a mix of both apprehension and anxiety, the very same frustration and anger draining from his face. what was it about both morninglight and beestripe and loststar -- their entire family, that made his emotions always muted, could never make them flare as others could, and he could always feel himself thinking seriously about the thoughts that he had been running away from for so long? he held back the sigh that pressed against his mouth by biting his lip and facing the younger tom with an expression that would look nervous on anyone else, but somehow seemed much quieter on him -- almost an exasperation of sorts.

smiling softly behind closed lips, the gray-flanked warrior straightened his shoulders as beestripe began to come closer and let the anxiety, the apprehension; the anger and frustration, fade from his face by replacing it with the same composed emotions that he tended to give the clan every day, even northwind. "well, i - " he paused, hesitating and then bit his lip. then he smiled again, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. " i'm okay beestripe." he paused again, and then his expression softened. "... if you don't mind me asking, how is your sister doing?" under the warrior's mask of calm was a wave of apprehension, concern gleaming softly behind blue-colored orbs beneath the warm afternoon light.

despite what she thought, tallstone really did care for morninglight -- he cared for, adored for and loved her more than he had ever thought possible. if you would have asked him last year if he would stop loving northwind and find someone more worthy of his love, he would have laughed a somewhat painful laugh and then whispered, no such thing. it was not that he loved northwind so very much and that there would be no one more deserving of his affections than her -- no, it was that he did not think himself good enough to afford a relationship better than the one that had once existed between northwind and himself.

he looked down, his cobalt pools all soft and smouldering, but his gaze did not waver, as the concern that pressed against closed lips. perhaps it hadn't changed. perhaps he still wasn't worthy of a real love, but darn it -- the moment that he could get northwind and morninglight to see it, he would darn well try.
"speech"
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we would be perfect.

[/color][/color]

[beestripe]

Beestripe

Beestripe wasn’t fooled but he didn’t press the issue. What would be gained by prying into his life anyway? “You can’t lie to me! I know you are hung up on my sister while you still have a mate and now Morninglight is pregnant so I don’t think you are ok but I just thought I’d ask” Obviously these were words that best remained unspoken.

Still when he asked, Beestripe could detect some genuine concern for Morninglight hiding under his carefully composed façade. Not just the concern that one clanmember would express to another over one’s pregnancy but real emotions. The striped tom was unsure the depth of his feelings, especially when he still had a mate, but then again, Beestripe couldn’t hope to understand a situation he had never been a part of it. Come to think of it, Northwind and Tallstone did act strange towards another. They were never seen together, talking, laughing, joking around like…well like he and Goldenwing could be seen doing on a sunny day. He usually saw Northwind and Cinderpaw together or Tallstone and Cinderpaw, but never all together. Strange that he hadn’t noticed it before now, he had assumed their relationship was a happy one. Northwind was lovely, beautiful really, sweet, caring, a mate that most toms would love to have. Perhaps he had been judging them too hastily.

Although Tallstone was still waiting for an answer. “Well she’s pregnant,” he said with a laugh, although he wasn’t sure if it was a laughing situation. He shrugged, breathing lightly, his hazel eyes bright but lacking their usual mischievous charm. “But I guess other than that she is ok. I mean…I havn’t seen her very much lately, so…yea…” he responded, ever so eloquently. He fell into silence again, not sure how freely he was supposed to be chatting with this tom anyway. For Starclan’s sake, he could be toying with Morninglight’s emotions for all he knew. Beestripe hated to…hate, but if Tallstone was purposefully leading Morninglight on, even friendly Beestripe would be a scary sight to behold.

Why did he care anyway? Because he felt obligated to ask? Making idle conversation with a clanmate? Wanted to give the illusion he cared? Or as the result of feelings Beestripe could not even hope to fathom? All seemed like possibilities in his mind, especially with the limited knowledge he had of Tallstone’s personality and motivation. Well-liked, well-respected, good father would have all come to mind before this whole ordeal. But then again, he thought Tallstone and Northwind were happy so what did he know anyway?

“Why do you ask?” he added, figuring he might as well give Tallstone the chance to explain…if he wanted to of course. Nothing to stop him from stuttering a weak excuse and walking away. Still it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

[tallstone]

but i promise you this

[/color]
everything seemed wrong, everything was wrong. beestripe wasn't supposed to be standing in front of him, with words that slid against his heart like iron knives, jabbing and striking and tearing, with phrases that seemed and should have been, all too innocent and simple to hear. yet, tallstone wasn't sure who it should have been, standing in front of him with a look that would have made his worries drown away and his heart feel suddenly at ease. morninglight got his heart banging against his chest. northwind made a sudden anger and hate stir deep in his heart. and the image of either of his son's - laughable, teasing talonpaw with his brilliant fur and glowing personality, or even sweet-minded cinderpaw with eyes that looked so much like his mother's, but were his too, all soft and glowing under the light - made his heart ache in places they weren't supposed to.

at beestripe's response, he felt his smouldering gaze instantly slide away into something that was both pained and agonized, that seemed to betray inner feelings that should have never really surfaced. quite literally, the tom flinched and winced and nearly crumbled at the charcoal-striped tom's comment, feeling his insides twist and turn with memories that banged harshly against his hazy vision. he stumbled backwards, despite the carefree tone and he wondered what was it about beestripe that never seemed to falter, that could always make such bitter speech roll off his tongue in an easy, honeyed manner -- as if they were just as easily talking about how the prey was going or something as easy as that. he felt his heart drop into his throat at those words, nevertheless, not knowing what had suddenly hit him. he hadn't meant it. not like this.

but that didn't mean that he wanted to take back that night either, as the memories of such a pleasureful evening seemed ingrained into his memory, burning sharply against his skull with frenzied emotions that seemed to burst inside his heart whenever he thought about it. nothing - not even if you held a knife to his throat, a gun to his head - could you make him want to forget, to retake everything he had said to morninglight, could make him tell her that he hadn't wanted them because, if he was completely honest with himself, he had wanted her and them and everything more than anything else.

but he couldn't have her. not this way.

this tallstone wasn't allowed to be happy. he wasn't allowed to have happy endings which ended in sweet regards to all those storybook fairytales that girls seemed to fall for in instances that could not be remembered. he had made a mistake and while his admittance to a mistake might be regarded for something entirely different - such as, he should have not have ever gotten in romantic affairs with morninglight, who might or might not have been scorned by the entirety of ravineclan for ripping the stereotypically family "apart", if they were ever truly together - the sheer truth of his thoughts rang sharply inside his chest, ringing almost painfully. fate seemed to have fun playing with him. it was all very cruel.

what was the mistake? tallstone had chosen northwind over morninglight, and he wasn't supposed to do that. not in any world, certainly not in theirs. yet, what could he do? the gray-blue tom stared openly at beestripe for a moment, forcing himself to slip another smooth mask of acceptance and coolness over obviously agonized, frustrated features. "... is she.. eating well?" he choked out finally, finding his throat impossibly dry. he licked dry, cracked lips and he tried again, his voice softer -- whether it was with concern or passion or some entirely different emotion, it was hard to tell. his voice felt rusty on his tongue as words that didn't sound like his own slipped free. "i-i mean... you're hunting for her, right?" he amended, almost sheepishly. he had wanted to hunt for her -- but when she wouldn't even spare him a second glance, how could he?

tallstone couldn't even look at her. whenever he accidentally bumped into her, he would see her eyes- ones that were either angry or disappointed, burning with foreign emotions that he couldn't tell apart- and feel his heart drop. he knew why she looked at him like that. he hadn't solved things with northwind yet.

at his next set of words, the tom found his mind reeling in confusion but somehow managed with a completely composed expression. this he could deal with. the emotions suddenly stirring in his heart, anxiety and pain and restlessness, were suddenly put at bay. the senior warrior smiled, silver lips stretching into a wordless smile -- its fakeness easily mistaken for a realness that surely could have not - should have not - been there. he must have learned something from cinderpaw. or someone. how could he smile in a situation like this, with such a tight, tense atmosphere surrounding the should-be brother-in-laws? but he was. ".. she's my best friend." and then, his eyes grew soft, raw emotions replacing the genuine care that had once existed beneath smoldering cobalt. his lips grew wider - still smiling - because, finally, he could tell the truth.

"speech"
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i'll always look out for you.
that's what i'll do.

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[beestripe]

Beestripe

He nodded, not sure if Tallstone was going to completely avoid his question or not. Perhaps there was nothing there, no emotions after all for the pain that he was putting Morninglight through. He only seemed to be aware of his own, as terrible as it might be, Tallstone was not the only one being hurt. “Not more than her usual amount. She isn’t too far along yet but she never was a big eater to begin with,” he responded truthfully. He wasn’t too worried about it though, she was hardly showing yet. A little rounder, a little softer, but that was about it.

Round hazel eyes, very much like that of his brother’s, although different in hue, surveyed Tallstone with an unwavering gaze. “Of course I’m hunting for her. She is my sister after all and she doesn’t have a mate to do it,” he answered. His voice was light but there was no sense beating around the bush about it. While he generally thought Tallstone was a good guy, if a little confused, there was no sense softening the blow. Beestripe was not a cruel tom, or one without empathy for Tallstone’s plight, but as the facts stood, his sister was pregnant and mateless.

In fact he was getting slightly irritated by Tallstone’s inability to act. His tail flicked with the tiniest bit of annoyance and his ears pointed towards the direction of the warrior’s den, wondering if Morninglight was going to be leaving anytime soon. She would surely come across a strange sight. But from what he could tell from simple observation, Morninglight was distraught enough that there was no way Tallstone chose her, but Tallstone was tormented enough that Beestripe doubted he had given her a clear yes or no, to the golden she-cat or the stunning chocolate tabby.

And that was where Beestripe had the problem. Both of Tallstone’s difficult choices had admirable merits, stay with a mate and kits or…stay with a mate and kits. Yet Beestripe could see clearly with his bright hazel eyes that Tallstone had two choices in front of him and one of them was not sit here and do nothing. The lanky striped tom was a cat of action and this was wearing on his patience. Even as he thought that though, he squirmed at the thought of his recent cowardice. He was, after all, never planning on telling Goldenwing how he felt. For different reasons yes, but he really wasn’t practicing what he was preaching.

“Right,” he said with a nod. Best friends huh? Who needs enemies with best friends like Tallstone. His gaze never left the face before him and with his growth spurt, they were equally matched in height. Beestripe was usually never at a lack for words, but he was unsure how to answer Tallstone. Would he appreciate frankness? Sympathy? Or would he rather not be having this conversation at all? Beestripe privately thought that he probably would appreciate the latter, but it was becoming difficult for Beestripe to simply watch all of this unfold.

He paused for a moment. “And best friends should support each other and certainly, best friends never want to hurt each other,” he added, his voice strong and clear, although soft so their voices wouldn’t carry across camp. “Occasionally you even tell little white lies to avoid hurt feelings. Because you care terribly for them. But sometimes…it’s kinder to tell the truth. Even if it hurts them. Even if it hurts you. But in the long run…” he trailed off, his eyes burning with an intensity that he usually did not possesses. “No one likes being stuck in limbo,” he finished, shooting a quick glance over to the warrior’s den where he knew his sister was resting.

[tallstone]

your one last life-line

[/color]
for a long time, he didn't know quite what to say. beestripe had delved so deep with words that were meant to be harsh and jarring, but came out light and helpful and easy, as if they were having such idle chitchat instead of the dark chatter that seemed to bubble forth from each tom's lips. he had dared to go farther than any cat before him, and tallstone wasn't sure how to react to all of this.

a part of him wanted to be angry -- so insantely furious that beestripe, who was moons younger than him, had even gone that far, when he had no right at all to be pressing against personal boundries when he didn't no a friggin' thing about tallstone. the younger, black-striped feline with wide-hazel eyes so much like his brothers did not, could not even comprehend, what kind of pain, heartache and emotional break that such a tom as tallstone could have possibly went through. how much his heart had to crumble and break and be stepped on again and again, for him to have a heart as "strong" as his own. beestripe was too young. he was too naive. he didn't know a thing.

if he had only been able to concentrate on these dark emotions - the anger, the pain, the frustration; all of which were so much like the one's northwind tended to stir in him whenever he paused to think about it - tallstone might have trembled, but it was evidence that he wasn't concentrating on those emotions, more than different ones, as the calm mask of his face never ceased to waver, his legs stayed solid in place, never shaking as the anger in his heart might have dictated.

it was the first emotion that washed through him that he had been concentrating on instead, the first wave of relief that made his expression go gentle and his body soften with a particular ease that had not quite existed there before. his lips twitched upwards into a sort-of smile, his heart softening with understanding and his eyes warm as he breathed out a sigh of almost relief. "that's good," he meowed softly, letting himself ease into a warm laughter, tempted by beestripe's own silvery chuckle. the situation was still quite awkward, but he tried lightening up the situation, and in turn the burden on his heart.

however his expression instantly darkened at the harsh comment he made next, jaw tightening considerbly -- the previous anger returning, a shadowed fire burning deep inside him. the knife twisted and turned, deeper and deeper, until his heart began to bleed once more, his face contorting into one of pain and contained fury, mixed with hints of frustration that could not be quite recognized. he did not understand beestripe. was he purposely egging him on?

yet he said nothing, holding back the deep growl that seemed to grow in the back of his throat. beestripe was young, naive and innocent -- he knew nothing of the very complex situation that they all were suddenly entwined with, but despite his current anger masked by cooler frustration, tallstone couldn't blame his younger counterpart. beestripe was her brother and because of that - only that - he had every right to attack tallstone with such deep, jarring comments that felt like iron knives sliding through his heart.

the bitter remark, worded in a much lighter manner, was deliberate, that much tallstone could see. he flexed his paws uncomfortably, breaking his gaze from the younger cat's. guilt and resentment washed through him, each one smashing sharply against the other, and he could not quite identify either emotion as a whole. he felt guilty for not being able to hunt for morninglight -- to see her smile and laugh, to make her reach the happiness she deserved -- only because of his own cowardice, his confusion towards the enterity of the situation and his uncomfortableness with tearing himself apart from the only thing he had known for so long.

the blue-gray tabby tom with brown streaks running through a smoother pelt wanted to correct the misunderstanding that beestripe probably had of him. he wanted to insist that he had wanted to hunt for her, he had wanted to see her smile and laugh like she was supposed to, but he couldn't. yet, tallstone could see the mockery in that -- why couldn't he? that was not a question the warrior was prepared to answer, as he had not even figured that out yet.

tallstone had long learned that loving someone was not always enough. especially for sweet, gentle morninglight, who he didn't - or would ever - deserve. he was being selfish, he knew, wanting her to stand by his side regardless of his actions, with the vague promise he had given her on their relationship, where they stood. that was why, he didn't blame her for avoiding him. he didn't blame her for not wanting to talk to him, see him, be with him. it was all to be expected for someone like him.

his jaw tightened again, that very same darkness returning to his eyes, at the second backhanded comment that the seemingly light-hearted warrior through at him next. his claws unsheathed, instantly hating the way that beestripe danced around his paws, instant of facing the situation head on like most toms would have. she-cats used silly words and frilly sayings to twirl complicated meanings together, they danced subject by subject in hopes that the other would understand, only be defining the terms in which they did not stand. toms, however, did not do this. they were often blunt, rash and to the point, but while this may seem sexist, it was way how things worked. yet, this wasn't flametwist and cloudspots talking; it was instead tallstone and beestripe who were feminine in their own right, who preferred to dance around with flowered wordings, rather than face the pain straight on, face the bluntness rather than the sharpness of the knife that was pressed upon their necks.

tallstone locked eyes with beestripe, who - he was sure - did not quite understand the complexity of the entire situation. wasn't he too young to know the boundaries between love and hate, how it could easily be crossed, yet it was impossible to tear life-long bonds apart, no matter how easy it should have been, no matter how easy a person wanted it to be like that? his eyes smoldered beneath the soft afternoon light, the muscles in his jaw tightening as he continued to stare at the younger cat with an almost appraising expression. for whatever reason it may have been, both cats - in this situation - did not stand on equal footing.

" but beestripe," he intervened, his tone surprisingly soft and he padded closer, until they were a mouselength apart. his lips twitched into that former frown, his insides twisting uncomfortably at the sudden memories that washed over him. "what if it isn't a white lie? white lies are inevitable, but they are impossible as well. nothing can be solved with them, or without them." he paused, his expression growing strangely soft. "there's also this, beestripe. no matter what world, what clan, what place, what time, " he mewed, his lips curved into what looked like a smile, but the emotion that washed through his face was not happiness, but rather a regretful sadness, one that could not be quite comprehended, one that made stomach drop all the same. "... best friends aren't supposed to fall in love with best friends." his lips twitched again, upwards, into that horribly sad smile.
"speech"
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you fall on me for anything you like
and I no I don't mind

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[beestripe]

Beestripe

He was playing with fire. While unusually optimistic and light compared to many of the other cats he knew, his play of words was no doubt infuriating Tallstone. His jaw would tighten, his eyes dark, and his claws even unsheathed at one point. Beestripe stood his ground unflinchingly, his eyes moving from Tallstone’s shadowed face only momentarily to glance at his clawed paw and then it moved back up to the silver tabby’s strong features. It wasn’t necessarily frightening. Beestripe had every right to be saying this stuff to Tallstone. Heck, he thought he was being friendly considering their current predicament. What was Tallstone going to do anyway, attack him?

Although, since Tallstone really couldn’t properly vent his anger to Beestripe, was it really fair to keep goading him like that? Would he have preferred it coming straight from Morninglight’s younger brother? Would Morninglight be furious at the striped cat for even bringing it up to Tallstone? However he was already waist-deep in muddy water, what was the harm with staying just a little bit longer.

Though it was hard to keep his face composed with Tallstone’s last sentence, his eyebrows raised dramatically and his bright hazel eyes widened. So according to the tom in front of him, he loved Morninglight. He shot another glance towards the warriors den where he knew Morninglight was and almost shook his head in disbelief. If this was love, he wasn’t sure he wanted any part of it. Still, if he loved Morninglight, did that mean he loved Northwind too? Who did he love more, or did that even matter? Privately Beestripe thought that even if he loved Morninglight more, she shouldn’t stay with a tom with a divided heart.

Still there was his last statement. Beestripe had always thought you were supposed to fall in love with your best friend. Wasn’t that just the next step in a friendship with a cat of the opposite cat? Not in his relationship with Goldenwing, but that was an entirely different situation. She depended on him, he was her confident, her shoulder to lean on when the world seemed like it was crumbling down. For him to fall in love with her betrayed all her trust in him. Perhaps in another time it would have been possible, but in this time, she needed a friend. And that’s exactly what he would be.

“Aren’t you supposed to be best friends with your mate?” he asked neutrally, flicking away a fly with his striped tail, as if they were discussing the weather. “Or else how can you call it love? How can you be sure it’s not simply a temptation of the flesh if you don’t share that bond with another cat?” he added with a shrug. “Perhaps I’m naïve, but when the time came, I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he commented, trying very hard to keep an image of a certain she-cat out of his mind that one day, he might have to watch with another male. And as much as that would hurt, that’s what he would do. She deserved nothing better.

He looked at Tallstone intensely, not sure if he should actually bring up the true nature of their discussion. Perhaps Tallstone thought he was clueless and just making idly chitchat, or secretly infuriated that Beestripe even bring it up, discussing it idly as if Tallstone was a kit that needed to be reprimanded. Whatever the reason may be, he thought it was high time to stop messing around and tell Tallstone straight.

“I assume though, we are not talking hypothetically anymore,” Beestripe continued, undaunted by Tallstone’s closer proximity. His voice was strong but a few degrees cooler, hoping that he would soon get to the bottom of this nonsense. “And I admit, I’m not entirely sure of all the details of this…love mess of yours. But what I do know is this: Morninglight is pregnant and you are still with Northwind. Now, I don’t know what you have said to her, whether you have promised to stay with her or not. But as it stands, you are still with Northwind.” It did feel slightly odd, speaking this way to a warrior, many moons older than he was. But this was his place, protecting Morninglight, and it came before any other calling.

The silence was intense and Beestripe wasn’t sure what the repercussions of his statements would be, however true he thought they were. “You speak of love,” Beestripe interjected before Tallstone would have the chance to response. “And of being best friends. But right now, your best friend is pregnant and alone and you think your life is tough? I don’t know what you’ve promised her but don’t play her for a fool, to avoid hurt feelings. Because that’s the difference between a best friend and just a friend. A best friend will hurt you to help you”.

[tallstone]

i was lost, i was lost

[/color]
he wanted to laugh, laugh hard and long to wash away all the pain and anguish and regret, to make everything before him vanish, as if such a simple gesture could erase the entirety of his past and all would be left would be just the two of them -- her and him, together, like they were supposed to be. that was why beestripe didn't know anything, didn't understand a bit of what he or morninglight - or, hell, even northwind - was (but shouldn't have, honestly) going through.

tallstone had no intention of trying to explain to the younger tom of the emotions running rampant through his heart, try to bend down and explain the complexity of everything, but to somehow still create and maintain that same simple, innocent view of the world that the golden-hued tom inevitably had. it would be ideal to fall in with your best friend, one might think. you would know the ins and outs of their personality, you would know what they wanted, what they didn't, and such a thing might be considered perfect.

but perfection did not exist -- not in this world, or any world for that matter, and tallstone had learned this through the many grave patterns of his life. you weren't supposed to fall in love with your best friend because you weren't - quite simply - allowed to. such a thing would permit a happiness, a glee, a utopia, that wouldn't ever exist. there was also this: falling in love with your best friend permitted a whole mass of mistakes and problems and rash choices that twisted and turned inside you, until you weren't even sure if you were actually in love with them anymore. falling in love meant you weren't friends with them, but lovers and "loving" and "friending" were two entirely different topics to handle.

to be honest, tallsotne wasn't even sure if his theory was true -- if you could fall in love with someone and be their best friend at the same time. best friends weren't supposed to fight, but that's often what lovers did -- such was the intense, rivaling emotions in two cats who loved each other too much, who both wanted the best for the other. best friends were often content, as long as the other was happy. it was very complex, to be honest.

he stepped back, his expressing easing down to something cool, and composed and almost soft, watching the younger cat with an integrity that almost seemed to appraise him. young cats had it lucky, he had once thought and part of him still did, but then were cats like cometpaw and cinderpaw to throw into the mix, that made tallstone wonder again if there ever existed such a thing as childhood anymore. yet, beestripe seemed to somehow maintain relatively innocent to it all, to the everything that was currently tearing ravineclan apart.

tallstone wanted to say something, say something that would entirely rip away beestripe's ignorant, naive look on everything just because of the confident, arrogant way the younger cat seemed to view the situation -- and he could have, would have, if it had been any other cat, if the cat before him wasn't the very same cat that reminded the aging tom-cat of both of his sons, every single day. so he bit back the harsh words that pressed against his tongue, and instead leaned back on his hauches, focusing his gaze on the warriors den. "it's not that simple," he ended up saying, instead of the "no" that he so desperately wanted to convince the younger cat of. he pressed his lips together, trying to stabalize the conversation. "it's almost... best friends depend on each other, rely on each other, right?" he meowed carefully, trying not to prick the younger cat's annoyance again. "if you fell in love with them, wouldn't it be like a betrayal?" he paused again, his voice growing softer. much softer. "it's like love and hate. an invisible line to cross, that you must never, ever do." he was quiet then, not knowing what else to say. falling in love ruined friendships -- such a thing he had seen first hand. in love, you always wanted more. in friendships, you were willing to take anything given and step back, if only to watch.

his mask faltered for a flickering moment when beestripe brought out the actual reason for their discussion, surprise falling in between the cracks of his composure before he straightened his face, forcing his heart to relax. his lips twitched, half-amused about the words coming out of the younger tom's mouth and half pained by the utter reality of it, the painful truth. instead of responding to the inquiries and comments and insults, tallstone slowly turned to beestripe, watching him carefully. "listen, beestripe. it's... difficult." he paused, breathing in slowly. ".. i don't want to be with northwind anymore and i hate seeing her in pain. and i've tried. i really have. it's just.. " he then looked up at beestripe, his expression twisted. "i still love northwind," he meowed slowly. ".. but i'm in love with your sister." he didn't know how else to word it, but it was as if the confusion had suddenly been lifted off his chest because he suddenly knew why he hadn't already hunted down northwind and said those words, despite wanting to with all his heart. why he was causing all of them heartbreak. "that's why.. i'm.. why.. it's hard for me. i can't..." he whispered then, half to himself, as he drew his blue gaze down to silver paws.

it was hard to sever the bonds already created. an impossible feat.
"speech"
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crossed lines i shouldn't have crossed
and now, i'm left here all on my own

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[morninglight]

Morninglight

But you're neither friend nor foe
though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me
down

It was eerie silence in the warriors den. Most of the other cats were busy on their mid-afternoon patrols and hunting and the camp was quiet save for a few wispy voices that Morninglight couldn’t quite make out in her stupor. She lifted her head from the cool ground, shaking off bits of leaves and bark. Her golden coat was looking less and less luxurious by the day and she gave it a couple of pointless licks in an attempt to bring it back to its former beauty. Useless. She sighed, wanting to mentally slap herself across the face for this pitiful show of hers. He wasn’t what she thought he was, what she had fallen in love with in the first place, his honesty, his support, his smile, how he always made her feel better. Now, she had only lost the image of what she had thought he was. That was all. That had to be all.

It was an effort but she finally climbed to her feet, lifting her face to the sunlight. She was certain it couldn’t be a flattering light, her eyes felt tired and puffy, her fur limp, her face set with a small frown that she wouldn’t be surprised if it was permanent. Still, this was no way to carry on. She wasn’t going to give birth to kits, only to have them faced with an empty broken shell of a mother. She faintly remembered Racoonpelt, Bearpaw and Cometpaw’s mother…ever since the death of her mate, she had become lifeless and hollow, and eventually left for good. Glancing down at her belly, she felt slightly renewed at the thought of her kits. At least some good would come of this whole mess.

She stepped out of the den, glancing around with dimmed emerald eyes, looking for something, anything to cling on to before she drowned when her eyes rested on two familiar forms in the clearing. Her jaw dropped to see Beestripe, her brother, conversing with Tallstone, and from the looks of it, they weren’t simply discussing the weather. Her brother’s jaw was tight, while it was usual relaxed with an easy-going smile and his muscles were tense under her striped coat. Tallstone looked worse, tired, pained…but Morninglight forced herself to drag her green eyes away from his face, why the hell should she care if he was pained, and concentrated instead on her brother.

“I still love Northwind…”

Whatever else he said following that statement fell on to deaf ears as her gaze flashed back to the liquid-silver tabby in pure shock as everything she had built up in her mind, every small hope she had carefully stacked, came toppling down and shattered into pieces around her. She had known, always known that he would never leave Northwind, but hearing him say it was an entirely different story. She was not surprised, no, she didn’t think anything could surprise her about Tallstone anymore.

She blinked as her vision became cloudy and unfocused and reached up a delicate paw to wipe across her eye, noticing the glistening drops of liquid gold against her paw. She hadn’t realized she was crying. The tears quickly dried up though as a ball of rage and disappointed bubbled up inside of her. She wanted to run over there and smack him across the face, hiss, tell him that he was a liar and a womanizer and she was GLAD, that’s right, glad that she had chose to leave him because he wasn’t worth a mouse tail in her mind. She even took a few bold steps towards them, her face burning and eyes pools of green fire.

Beestripe got there first.

It was only a few brief seconds. A large striped paw flashed through the air and struck Tallstone right against the face. Beestripe had gotten to his feet, his chest heaving and eyes hard and for a moment, she didn’t recognize him, him, her own brother. But that stranger faded quickly, his eyes melted into round surprise and his paws were shaking as he stood in front of Tallstone, still recovering from the blow.

It was hard to know what to do at a time like this. Morninglight, still recovering from the initial shock of seeing her Beestripe, her sweet optimistic brother that never failed to bring a smile to her face, actually strike another clan member. For several moments she simply stared and the silence fell swiftly over them. She was unaware if either was aware of her presence when she snapped back into action.

She walked over, placing a paw on Beestripe’s shoulder. He whirled around, his hazel eyes wide and almost fearful at his transformation, laced with shock at seeing her behind him. His eyes flashed with pain and uncertainty as he stared at her, his mouth stammering and stuttering words that never left his lips. She pressed her nose into his cheek and nuzzled him gently, like she used to do when he was a young kit asleep pressed against her pelt. There would be another time to discuss this.

Her eyes drifted over to Tallstone, uncertain of his reaction, but frankly didn’t care. “He’s not worth it Beestripe,” she said, her voice cool and her eyes flat as she looked at Tallstone. And she meant it. She meant every word. She gently pulled Beestripe away and with one last look over her shoulder, they walked slowly away. Hopefully, she reflected, this would be the last time she walked away from the tom she had loved and lost.

On the way out, she caught a glimpse of the chocolate brown tabby pelt of the she-cat that Tallstone had chosen. She forced herself to look away and concentrate on the stricken tom walking next to her. Good riddance to the both of them. They could live happily ever after, for all she cared.

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[tallstone]

I CAN ONLY BLAME MYSELF
and you can only blame me

[/color]
everything seemed to erase before him in those moments, several moments when he couldn't comprehend what was happening. Flares of emotions engulfed him so suddenly until they were swallowed back by painful memories that felt like knives the the heart, slicing through seamless flesh and bruising soft skin. There was no such feeling as this, as being broken down to pieces and then built up again, only to have yourself ripped apart with shaking hands that seemed so much like your own.

He stumbled backwards as he felt his paws skid unconsciously across cold dirt, shock running through his veins like an electrical current. Feeling absolutely numbed, Tallstone had no idea how to react to this situation – as, more importantly, he hadn’t expected the younger, more “naïve” tom before him that reminded him like the irrevocably older version of both of his sons to strike him straight across the jaw, sending a clear punch that made his face throb and the blood trickle past silver lips.

If he had been in the right mind, Tallstone might have appreciated the punch because suddenly his head felt that much clearer, though still muddled by the difficulty of his decision and with the need of the harsh laugh that filled his throat, choking on empty words, this attack on him – both mentally and physically – was exactly what he had needed. This would not fix any of the problems in his life. It wouldn’t make him suddenly feel the desire to toss Northwind out into the dust, without feeling the pain of his mistakes – not regret, because although this was something that had to be done, it was not something he didn’t want done.

But he was postponing all of it, the start of his new life, and the sudden shift of his broken world. As if all the shattered pieces of his crumbling heart were blown away by a gush of wind, the very same gush of emotions that seemed like a slap in the face, he could see the future, he could see everything. It had been so perplexing – all of this – because he hadn’t known what it was that had made him so confused and made him stumble through life like a broken kit still clinging onto a dead mother.

He didn’t want to break away again, leave everything behind that he had grown so used to. Tallstone – despite his (respected) status in the clan as a full-grown warrior, a devoted father, and a (well, before all of this) a loving mate – felt very much like a kit. He felt, constantly, like his world was falling apart and that he had to cling on the little pieces that was left of his happiness, glue them together like a child who has drawn up a picture of his family, then cut up the broken photograph when he’s older, and finally lost most of the puzzle pieces when he’s older, gluing shredded portions together where they don’t really belong.

Yet he wasn’t that kit anymore, and he couldn’t keep thinking he was. The punch had made him see what sort of lie that he was living, how he was hurting and deceiving everyone that mattered around him, how he was tearing up the little parts of his picture again, letting it scatter, because he didn’t think he had the strength to hold onto them. Tallstone had needed this, this shove into the reality that he had been running away from for so long. He hadn’t needed words – harsh and biting, cutting up everything he had known. He didn’t need cold glares, flickering looks of disapproval given by his ex-mate, and he certainly didn’t need what he had been giving himself – ha, where had those pity parties got him?

… a crying morninglight?

The tabby tom, threaded with strands of silver-brown that was glossed over in deeper hues, snapped his head around, blue-eyed expression going wide in surprise and shock, then contorting back into unbelievable pain. No. His mind was screaming and his body was crying. His paws were shaking too and he suddenly hated every fiber in his body. Morninglight was standing before him, unshed tears glimmering beneath the very same liquid emerald that made his heart jumping into his throat, that made his insides flutter and make him forget everything about a brown-pelted she-cat that was the mother of his kits. It was all too horrifying.

He had imagined it. Imagined it in his nightmares, to be too cowardly to walk away from Northwind and have himself lose the singled most important cat in his life at the moment, to see her cry but not want to do anything – because she didn’t think she could, or maybe she didn’t think it was worth it to fight for him, not that she should have. Tallstone felt her brush past him, to her brother, and it was like his nightmare becoming reality.

And all he could do was stare. Everything inside him itched to move, to chase after her and possibly convince her of the truth – that yes, he might have said that he loved Northwind, but such a thing wasn’t any different from Beestripe loving Morninglight. The young striped tom was not blood-related to the sweet, golden angel but he was protective of her and loved her – evident in that punch – all the same. For Tallstone, Northwind had just been one of those cats, those cats that had always been by his side and had never left him, like everyone else. Somehow – even if she had never really liked him – she had just been there, and before, he couldn’t imagine her not being there because it was almost if having her be there was as natural as breathing.

Yet it didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t thinking of Northwind – his mind continued to flash with images of a crying Morninglight that made his heart twist and his mouth go dry, choking on open air with words that he had wanted to say but somehow couldn’t find his lips curving around. Everything felt so numb as he staggered to his paws, his expression twisted, as if he was trying to call after the golden-hued maiden, to tell her to wait for him, because he would fix things. Right now, he would.

But she was already running away – running in his mind, at least – and with a heaviness that dropped down into the pit of his stomach, like a everlasting darkness that suddenly engulfed each of his stumbling steps, he knew that he had lost her.

If he had been the same cat that he had been before Beestripe punched him, Tallstone might have cowered and ran away and accepted his fate – simply because he had always known he didn’t deserve Morninglight, that such a nightmare as this had been doomed to occur from the start. But, in a sudden burst of emotion, he felt strength surge through him and he straightened his shoulders, swallowing thickly. No, this was not going to be the end. No, because he was going to fight for her.

"Wait," he breathed softly, his voice trembling and his eyes hardened beneath the pained creases. He took a deep breath, letting his paws carry him across the clearing, but instead of going to plead Morninglight for forgiveness, he brushed quickly past her – forcing himself not to even take a single glance – and padded up to Northwind, jaw tightening. He wasn’t going to run away anymore. He lifted his head and took a breath, feeling his world begin to shake again. "Northwind, we need to talk," he told her, his tone cold. He waited a moment, feeling everything begin to break. Tallstone looked at her, forcing a smile. "I can't -- we can't do this anymore. I can't be with you."

Only this time, his world didn’t only crumble, it began to break into something better – the future.
"speech"[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/font][/color]

you cut me down to size and opened up my eyes
MADE ME REALIZE WHAT I COULD NOT SEE

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                  ›› response to morninglight and northwind with tallstone. while i have shattered muse, i have to say "i love coldplay. 3:" and you can see that my word count is one three three eight. ‹‹

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[northwind]

Northwind

It was with inquisitive curiosity that Northwind’s stunning sea-green eyes surveyed the scene before her and nothing more. She had returned from a short walk outside, it was almost time for her to begin her confinement in the nursery, and she wanted to take a few last gulps of fresh air before beginning her solitude. While she no doubt would be surrounded by other cats, not being alone under a vast expanse of sky and sun made her feel strangely empty.

Chocolate hues danced in the bright afternoon light when on her way to the nursery, she had paused to watch a most unusual scene. Morninglight again, her golden fur limp and unkempt, weary eyes, she seemed to look worse everyday. Northwind knew she was pregnant but so far, the father had not been disclosed Her business of course and the lovely she-cat wouldn’t dream of asking her. Still, perhaps she would have a word with Silverhawk later. She looked far too thin and tired, instead of pleasantly plump and glowing with satisfaction. He must be growing old if he was letting this slip by.

Her eyes shifted over to the tom she was leading away, Beestripe she believed and finally came to rest on her mate. He looked, for lack of better words, stunned. Upon closer inspection, her eyes widened in surprise to see a trickle of blood streaking his face. Flickering her gaze from Morninglight and Beestripe to Tallstone, uncertainty washed over her face, unsure of how Tallstone came across a bloody lip. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, she only sat there passively, certain that getting involved would make, whatever situation it was, worse.

The slender form of the golden she-cat passed by her and Northwind turned her head to murmur some words of encouragement or worry but Morninglight’s eyes were downcast away from the light, darkened emeralds staring at the ground purposefully and Northwind watched helplessly as the two cats disappeared back into the warrior’s den.

She turned her eyes back to Tallstone, not at him, she hardly ever made direct eye contact with him and instead stared over his shoulder to the pine trees behind him. She was about to stroll over and say something but thought better of it, graceful paws turning her lithe body around and she began to walk back to the nursery.

Northwind, we need to talk

She almost didn’t turn around but a small sigh escaped her lips and she turned, waiting for him to finish, almost impatiently. What it was, she wasn’t sure, probably more questions about the father of her litter and other ridiculous conversations about love. Until just recently, Tallstone had never let Northwind out of his sight, how would she ever find the time to find another mate for her kits? She waited, eyes trained on his ear, chocolate fur luminescent in the sunlight.

The words poured out of him and for the first time, she actually listened to him. Everything went quiet, save for her steady heartbeat, pounding rhythmically against her chest. Her eyes moved, ever so slightly to meet his own, liquid molten cobalt and with a jolt of surprise, she realized they were indeed lovely. Strange, she had never noticed before. She held eye contact, sea-green eyes glowing. It was certainly a strange reaction after being told that your mate no longer wanted to be with you, but Northwind couldn’t help but to feel a swell of elation bubbling in her chest. Her beauty was not enough, not enough to tip the scales of her treatment of him these many moons. She hadn’t been told no before, never been refused of her affections since Castro. Her loveliness had won over the hearts of many toms throughout her entire life. She could have easily been stupid, lazy, sinful, and until now, she never thought it would have made a difference.

Suddenly she looked upon him a whole new light, her eyes studying him inquisitively. Great StarClan, she had never thought the tom before her was one that she could respect, certainly not in this lifetime. Her smile illuminated her delicate features, dazzling, and for once, it was directed at him. “Glad to see you finally grew a backbone,” she said softly, tracing her gaze over him. “But it’s certainly a welcomed change.” She smiled again, almost affectionately towards him and turned, looking over her shoulder. “C’mon, I have several mouths that need feeding”.

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[tallstone]

THEY SAID I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU
i told them you were being strong

[/color]

he couldn't believe it. she didn't get it. despite the fact that he had taken near to forever to actually tell her what had been on his mind, she wasn't even listening. his blood boiled and for a moment, he saw red. this time wouldn't be different than any of the other times he had asked her something and expected something civil in response, only to receieve an answer in that same light, careless tone.

however, beneath the flurry of frustration and anger, there was something else too.. even as he felt that very same shiver run through him as her lovely sea-green gaze swept across him, almost admiringly, and his paws tremble with something (relief? had he still been waiting for her to accept him after all this time, though all that abuse ? was he happy now, even if he was trying to break up with her?) that he couldn't quite recognize, his mind whirled with disbelief.

tallstone had never taken her for someone stupid -- someone who was arrogant or oblivious, like some others expected of her. someone who was beautiful was often an airhead or a ditz, if not something dark and sinister and cruel beneath all of that. yet, tallstone kenw that northwind had never been like that. in her own way, she was innocent and almost pure -- like a child. a little girl who had grown up in a horrible world, with her parents either fighting or divorced, and she fought day in and day out, just wanting attention from people. the right kind of attention.

northwind's parents fernstep and dustwing had not been anything of the sort, of course. yet, she had grown up in a world where no one - he imagined - could actually treat her real and earnestly, as if they all faked faces just to be around her and bathe in her presence. if tallstone knew of them, he might have compared her to a celebrity. someone who never understood what real love and affection was.

as if everyone else was broken and she had to fix them.
she couldn't though, because she was broken too.

"... northwind," the words had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, the redness fading to a strangely calm undertone and he could finally see. see and recognize her for who he was. however, his voice lacked the normal awe and affection it held, placed with an indifference that was frosty cold. as if was talking to someone he had just met and had nothing to do with.

maybe in a situation like this he was supposed to say goodbye or something. maybe he was supposed to yell at her again and make her realize the extent of what really happened. however, tallstone had known northwind for way too long and in a couple of moments, the aged warrior felt like he would be sucked in her vortex again, her pull, if he didn't walk away from this right now. she had never wanted his help - even if he had broken all his bones, fallen again and again, to give it to her - and why, it was time he stopped trying.

his lips twitched upwards, his eyes growing softer.
"i'm sorry," he meowed, though his tone lacked any sort of apology he should have given. he stepped forward and dipped his head, catching her beautiful sea-green gaze with his own molten blue. "ask cinderpaw or brownspot." maybe he was supposed to say please or even, "i can't". such words were on the tip of his tongue, his throat dry and his eyes crackling beneath the light.

but instead, he took a step back.
"northwind." soft again. feathery."i'm done."
his lips twitched upwards, but it wasn't a smile.
his eyes were soft, like talking to a kit.
"goodbye."
and he turned his back on her.

"speech"

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but i knew you were a liar
I KNEW YOU WERE A LIAR FROM THE START

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                  ›› response to northwind with tallstone. while i have fluttering muse, i have to say "D: sorry for its crappyness/lateness. " and you can see that my word count is six four six. ‹‹

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[northwind]

Northwind

She did not call out. She did not beg, plead, run after him, ask for the forgiveness that he must have been expecting for years and that she would never have yielded to him, clutching the apology to her breast like it was a treasured possession she was unwilling to share. There was nothing to apologize for, for it was his behavior that had gotten himself into such a mess. She was nothing to him but an empty shell covered by fur and eyes and bones, haphazardly placed in such an arrangement and by StarClan’s twisted sense of humor, others thought it beautiful to behold.

But he was nothing to her. The father to her unborn kits, and that was certain this time, but as far as for his companionship, personality, well, she could never move past their initial starting point to nuture their relationship into something thriving, healthy, alive. Their relationship had also been stunted, deprived of that all too essential heart, and no amount of pruning or watering could fix it. Not that she could honestly say she had tried too hard.

Although if he truly did mean nothing to her, that couldn’t explain why her body had frozen at the sound of his words, why her usually eloquent tongue had stuck to the roof of her mouth, and why her sea-green eyes still hadn’t left the back of his retreating form. Had he often stared at her like that, watching her dappled frame disappear from sight, his eyes tracing the angles of her body, unable to let go.

It was his voice, soft, as if he was trying to explain a very difficult concept to someone ignorant, stupid. She wished it had been anger. She could deal with bitter words and lashing emotion, could grasp fury and fire quickly and rebuttal it with some of her own particular brand of poison, but this…this was unknown to her. Those who spoke to her were kind, admiring, awed by her presence. It was an emotion that had never been directed to her before, pity.

She couldn’t deal with that. If only she had recovered from the initial shock sooner, 5 seconds, 10 seconds, just so she would have had a chance to throw all those words back in his face for she didn’t need them, didn’t want them. HE had followed her around like a leash-less puppy for moons and then had the nerve, the gall to feel sorry for her.

She was shaking now, chocolate tabby fur rippling with her trembling form, her eyes dry, her throat tight. Impossible she mouthed as if saying it would truly make it so. But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, not with his kits squirming inside of her. There was nowhere for him to go, no one for him to go to. Comforting thoughts bounced back and forth in her mind, attempting to blunt the pain that she had been so certain that she wasn't going to feel. He raised Cinderpaw and Talonpaw even though there was a good chance, a very good chance in fact, he wasn't their father at all. How could he possibly leave kits that would be brought into the world without a shadow of a doubt about their parents.

Slightly soothed, her heartbeat had slowed considerably, her chest no longer heaving in sheer panic of uncertainty. She laughed, for it was all she could do to keep the torrent of other emotions at bay long enough for her to compose herself.

He would be back. He always came back.

ooc: short but I thought I would finish this up finally. Now we can move to some Tallstone/Morninglight, YAY XD