Post by sleetkit on Apr 16, 2009 23:06:47 GMT -5
☂ s l e e t k i t ➟
[/font]like chaos; utterly beautiful and terrifying
[/font][/blockquote]
She remembers.
Of what, though, she isn't exactly sure. perhaps its everything, but then again it could be nothing too and if you look at this at a completly altered angle, it may just be both of them at the same time. sleetkit often wonders this, of this dark blurred, incandescent memories that press against her dreams in flickering thoughts that were realistically impossible.
of what she can't remember is a lot more, an increasing amount that continuously fustrates the pretty ginger-white kitten. it's their faces that she can't recall and perhaps what she hates the most about her fading memory. the things that are clear, easy to understand and remember, aren't enough. the feel of her mother's milky scent and underlying softness or the pleasingly gruff manner of their father and his soft, gray coloring; it's these things that she can't bear to remember either, what makes her heart fumble and twist and clench in a way she hates.
hailkit tells her all the time that glacierstone's eyes, their father he murmurs to her in those sleepless nights when she's prodding him for a story, were very blue -- so incredibly, indescribly blue; like an ice-blue, like the cold, chilling rain. at these thoughtless murmurs, spoken in a voice that was softer than velvet, the almost six-moon old kitten often flinches. she hates not knowing, not remembering but because the words that hailkit often speaks of their father and the tone in which he speaks them, often stirs a hidden something deep inside the pale she-cats heart, light blue eyes glinting like silver jewels, she does not say a word to him. she does not say that of their father - a tom they both insisted they loved, cherished, understood - the memories aren't clear. hailkit insists that she knows - and must know - simply everything and so a moment of doubt is not possible for a cat like her.
instead of telling him this - or saying anything remotely related to their father - she often shifts their conversations to something clearer and like soothing droplets on her mind, the pressure that comes from mentioning glacierstone evaporates, soothing the hissing pain.
it still hurts, though, talking about their mother -- or the mother that she tells him of. even if sleetkit's memory will not let memories of any males in her line come seeping back in, the females of their past are as clear as day -- and clearer than anything is the fact that although littlesnow was - is - his mother, the same soft-pelted, sweet-mouthed she-cat is not hers.
she knows exactly what hailkit doesn't remember - or refuses to remember - and it's that they really aren't related at all when it counts. sleetkit doesn't really understand her half-brother and his ability to block everything out in order to live a careless, sweet life - like some honeyed, untouched storytale - but she accepts it, like she accepts the severed blood ties between them. she envies him because of what he does - refusing to pay attention to the elder's painfully true stories and play the events he knows are true over and over in his head like she has done so many times - and how he remains pure, unstained. she can't be bitter or hateful of him, because hailkit is her brother and as long as she's sleetkit - the soft-pelted, white-throated she-cat with pale blue, silver-flecked eyes that plays the part of his sister - it will remain that way.
sleetkit and hailkit are half-siblings that play the role of real siblings so well that it almost seems true. for the cats that don't know the dark secrets of their past, the way relationships twist and turn and tumble into a shadowy pattern of hatred and envy, may believe their lie -- the lie that hailkit isn't aware exists. on one side there is hailkit - untouchable, vulnerable hailkit - who has his father's eyes and his mother's smile and coloring.
and then there is sleetkit - with their mother's eyes and their father's heart - who is only too aware of the lie. she remembers everything - besides glacierstone, of course - with such clarity that it's painful. more than a small part of her remembers his mother's name because, after all, it is impossible to forget littlesnow's warmth and compassion, as it is impossible to have not recognized the difference in hailkit's coat and her own. she recalls littlesnow's immaturity and lack of wisdom, even as young as she was when the queen left them both, as well as she recalls the white-pelted queens unconventional love and careful touch. she had chosen that ignorance, and her downfall. like mother, like son, they always said. they were right.
when hailkit came rushing back home - two moons and all - to tell her in short, jabbered words that their father was with this she-cat, a blurred image that he didn't understand, all sleetkit had been able to do at the time was send him a quiet, emotionless glance that made him confused and terrified. of course, sleetkit had known this would happen long before he did, that glacierstone would become careless like this.
afterall, wasn't coldheart her mother? and if there was ever a cat who knew their mother better than they did themselves, it was sleetkit.
yes, the ginger-hued she-cat knew her mother well. of course, sleetkit's memory has always been particularly exceptional if she remembers being passed from littlesnow to whitedrop and back again, if she knows that glacierstone was not particularly loyal and that hailkit was not her real brother.
then again, for anyone who had seen and known her, Coldheart was impossible to forget. Despite her incredibly misleading name, the she-cat was enticingly beautiful, something smoother than velvet and sweeter than honey, and caught the eye of many toms. But she was chaotic and violent, often inflicting pain on her only daughter whenever sleetkit would confront the pale-pelted she-cat about the truth of her birth.
and it was because of this reason that TealClan soon drove Coldheart out of the clan, but the fiery, passionate love that had burned between her and Glacierstone was stronger than steel and would even withstand the seemingly simple tear. They continued to meet, perhaps shattering littlesnow's young, fragile heart, as well as that of her sons.
and it was this - the most of everything that sleetkit had encounted - the left a mark on her heart and soul.
something unforgettable, unforgivable.
why did coldheart have to be her mother? she has many scars and bruises that she's been able to hide well - including a particularly detailed scar that leads across her throat to her collarbone - but the wound on her heart most of all seems impossible to heal.
perhaps this is why sleetkit's developed into a shell of her own; a cat who is probably the most bitter cat that the four clan's have ever known.
this is why she refuses to reveal her - and hailkit's - past. this is why her name is sleetkit and not something silly like gingerkit or brightkit.
she is sleetkit and nothing else.
"no comment" -- fini-- one two oh three
