STARVAT!ON isn't a [pretty] thing -- open

[snowpetal]

snowpetal♥‏‏.

The silver tabby she-cat padded through the forest with one thing on her mind: food. her stomach growled without ceasing, and the only thing that she could think of at the moment was the juicy meat of something warm on the tip of her tongue. she didn't care what type of meal it was, as long as it satisfied her angry stomach and stopped the infernal growling. it echoed in her ears and never stopped, like drums and gunshots and thunder all at the same time. one giant vibration of noise that wouldn't end. and it hurt. her stomach felt like it had been sunken in, and that if she didn't eat right this minute, she would start eating herself. of course, she was exaggerating, but the thought was appetizing all the same. she shook her head to clear it, and blinked her eyes slowly as she looked up into the sun.

Snowpetal rarely went out on her own like this. she was far too social to be a loner, it just would never work out for her. there was no wind today, just the stillness of the sun's rays blasting down from the sky. but it wasn't extremely hot, but more of a pleasant heat that just warmed the top of her fur. flicking her tail back and forth, she closed her eyes to and listened hard with gray ears. to the north she could hear the rustling of a squirrel. she rarely hunted these, but hey, it was food all the same. how could she turn down a meal when she was so starving? snowpetal knew that she should get something for her Clan, but she could get that next. This one was her meal, and hers only.

Crouching down into a practiced hunter's stance, snowpetal started to inch forward toward the red creature. it was too busy scavenging for it's own food to realize that there was danger in the area. gazing at it intensely, snowpetal licked her chops and got ready to spring at the small creature. finally, the hunter leaped, and landed a bit too far from her prey. she had misjudged the leap, and the squirrel had seen her coming. but snowpetal was just playing with her food. she flicked her body around quickly, and snatched the squirrel up in her jaws. it was a nice catch for a warrior of her age, and she was getting up there in years. she knew she would probably never have kits, but she hadn't given up hope yet. taking a gulp of the squirrel, her mind wandered, and she left earth for a while.

puppet;; snowpetal
count;; 438
muse;; okay, not the best
directed towards;; open, preferably a tom

[/size][/blockquote]

[loststar]

Loststar

I was blown away what could I say
It all seemed to make sense
You’ve taken away everything
And I can’t do without
I try to see the good in life
But good things in life are hard to find

It was frankly embarrassing the way Loststar had been carrying about these days. After attempting to tell his brother Beestripe about his orgins and having that turn out not quite as expected, Loststar hadn’t felt like doing much during these past weeks. While he was immensely thankful that his deputy Crowflight had taken up the mantle of leadership without a single complaint, Loststar knew that his period of mild greif must come to a close, especially with an entire clan depending on him.

He, if somewhat reluctantly pulled himself out of his den, pleasantly warm from the bright spring heat and padded out, ignoring the small pile of fresh kill in the center of camp. He had become far to reliant on the presence of prey to fill his belly, instead of on sharpening his own hunting skills. The black pelted leader walked out of camp, figuring he would catch a few pieces and scout out the territory for a little bit, duties he had neglected, but for no longer. Although the clan did not know of his predicament, and he hoped, would never know, they must have sensed the absence of joy, even from quiet Loststar. He was not much of a social cat, but knowing that he had to let his dream of reuniting with Beestripe go, he also knew that only by throwing himself in relationships with the members of his clan, would he be able to make a fully recovery.

At the entrance, he scanned the horizon and began to walk, no where in particular, his huge black paws scraping up dirt and dust as he travelled. His ears were perked, twitching and alert for any sign of small skittering paws or the ruffle of feathers that could become his future meal. Hearing nothing, he continued, his eyes widening in surprise when he spotted, some distance off, a pretty silver tabby she-cat. He almost bristled, prepared to scare off the intruder, when upon closer look, he recognized it was Snowpetal of his own clan. He breathed a short sign of relief, and padded forward, taking care to make soft noises so she would not be surprised to see him.

When he was in earshot, he mewed, "Hello Snowpetal." His mis-matched eyes, of amber brown and silvery-gray hues were not as shadowed by sadness as they had been for several days now and his features held a glimmer of contentment that had not graced them in quite some time. Normally, Loststar wouldn't have engaged in such chit-chat, but he figured that it was high time to start behaving like a proper clan leader in more than just the name.

"How are you this fine day?" he asked, genuinely curious at the events marking this she-cat's life, a little surprised he had not inquired sooner into her, or any of his other clanmates' lives. He sat down, curling a long black tail around his paws, and meeting her gaze, awaiting her response.

[snowpetal]

snowpetal♥‏‏.

did the leader actually care what was going on in snowpetal's life? she hadn't really been that close to loststar, he had always been so distant since he had become leader. she didn't even know what his favorite meal was! what type of leader doesn't let the clan know what their favorite food was? snowpetal would have told them on the first day. she would have exclaimed it to the world, more likely. it would have been strange not for her to talk about food. food was the best part of snowpetal's life. and when she had food, everything in the world was good. and right now, with the squirrel sticking out of her mouth as she turned toward the leader, she foudn that she probably didn't look very attractive wiht the food hanging out of her mouth.

did loststar have a mate? she couldn't recall as he approached her and sat down casually, resting his black tail over his paws. his eyes were mesmerizing, she had never seen anything like them. they were like pools of light that drew her in and begged for more. she looked at him like he was any other cat, but on the inside she wasn't thinking that. "Well, I can't say that I am amazing, but I am not bad either, so I really don't know if I am good or bad - I'm babbling again, aren't I? Sorry." Snowpetal looked down at the ground, and admitted to herself that she was in the slight bit embarrassed. she hadn't realized how hard it was to talk to a leader without rambling on about something unimportant that loststar probably didn't even want to hear about. finally, she came up with a good way to end the conversation. take a big bite of squirrel. She gobbled a gulp down and chewed hard, signaling to loststar that she couldn't talk for a second. after swallowing her last bit of food, she looked up at him again. "And yourself?" she stated, meaning how he was doing. she had seen him sulking before. probably about something he didn't want to share about, but snowpetal was still a bit curious.

puppet;; snowpetal
count;; 361
muse;; so-so
directed towards;; loststar, open

[loststar]

Loststar

He smiled, the first smile dawning on his features in several days. How gloriously wonderful it was to talk about nothing in particular, to bask in all that was normal and mundane, patrols, hunting, the weather. All of that was a welcomed change from the dreary and hopeless conversations he had engaged in of late. His own thoughts hadn’t been much comfort lately either.

He chuckled softly, amused by her rambling of sorts. “Don’t be sorry, I don’t mind,” he attempted to reassure her, a little awkwardly, painfully aware that he wasn’t quite as good at these social encounters like other cats, such as the handsome Crowflight for example. He just didn’t have much practice putting cats at ease and as one of the largest cats in the three clans, his appearance was only a hindrance. It was the first time in a long time though that he had been slightly optimistic about his progress and took comfort in the idea that he was chosen for deputy because he had the potential to become a fine capable leader.

He paused upon hearing her question, gathering his thoughts, not wanting to give too much away. It was more important to give his clanmate a reasonable answer grounded in optimism that his previous mood of several days was a fleeting occurrence and nothing more. “I’m doing fine. Same as yourself I believe, not good, not bad. And feeling much better today,” he added, even throwing in a small smile that tugged on the outside corners of his lips. His stomach rumbled slightly as if reminding him of something important he had forgotten. “Hungry though,” he commented, pointing out the obvious. “I haven’t hunted for myself in quite some time and I need to practice, for fear I forget how,” he said with a small laugh, surprised that this was easier than he thought it was, to hold up a conversation without falling into moody silence and with a she-cat at that! Although Loststar had given up long ago that he would ever be seen as desirable, certainly not while in the shadow of much handsomer younger cats, he always found himself wincing at his lack of practice at conversations with the opposite sex. Or with the same sex for that matter. He made a mental note to develop his relationships with others in his clan, starting with Crowflight perhaps. He ought to know the cat he was trusting his clan to should something unfortunate befall him.

His ears pricked at the sound of small tapping paws and he excused himself politely, creeping through the foliage on his haunches, ears straining to pick up sounds, catching the whiff of a familiar scent, mouse if he wasn’t mistaken. His mis-matched eyes finally spotted it and with a quick pounce and merciful bite, he killed it quickly. He trotted back, dropping it in front of him, and proceeded to eat. “Not small for a mouse, but certainly not enough for a big cat like me,” he commented quietly, not sure if she would even be interested in the small chit-chat he was attempting to make.

“What are your plans for the rest of the day?” he asked. He wanted to scout through the territory a bit, and although this was normally his solitary task, he could use a little company, if only to prevent him from slipping back into his old ways.

[snowpetal]

snowpetal♥‏‏.

it was crazy to think that loststar didn't mind her babbling. snowpetal was always going on about something, and for a strange reason, she was a bit scared to be talking to the leader like this. it was more nerves getting the best of her, really, and awkwardness. she wasn't that good with talking to males in the first place, and had never had a mate or kits before. snowpetal was quiet close to the giant tom, and could almost see bits of silver in his pelt that she had never noticed before. she had never been this close to the leader, and she had never realized how big he was. he towered over her like she was prey, but it almost gave him a protective air that a leader should possess. snowpetal smiled a bit as loststar realized how hungry he was, and went off to catch a plump mouse that had been lurking in the bushes near them. what a stupid mouse, not to see the huge cat coming in after him.

looking up again at loststar, she realized that she had also never seen this side of him. usually he wasn't this interesting, and was usually a bit more awkward. for a strange reason, snowpetal was finding happiness in making conversation with the leader, and this was something that she had not felt for quite a while. smiling again at his comment, she opened her mouth to answer his next question. "well, i wasn't really planning on doing anything but hunt...but if you need any assistance with anything i would be happy to help." snowpetal was surprised at how flirtatious that sounded, while in reality she was just trying to be helpful. but, at the same time, it wouldn't hurt anybody to be a bit flirty with loststar. she was actually starting to take a liking to him, even though she doubted that he felt the same way about her.

before loststar could say anything she excused herself from the conversation for a moment as a small bird chirped in the undergrowth. she stalked forward, and leaped with acute precision, landing directly on the small robin. cracking its neck with a quick nip to the spine, snowpetal picked up the bird happily. it was one thing to make a good kill in front of the leader, but another to make a good kill in front of a leader who just happened to be a nice tom.

puppet;; snowpetal
count;; 409
muse;; pitifully low
directed towards;; loststar, open

[loststar]

Loststar

Loststar nodded approvingly at her catch, comforted in the fact that at least when he was emotionally absent, he could rely on his warriors to make sure TealClan didn’t starve. The nursery was overflowing with kits from Inkpool and Eveningrain’s last litter and Loststar would have bet his next mouse that more were soon to follow. With the way Sunstreak and Wolfstep had been carrying on, slowly overcoming their previous awkwardness, and with his deputy making eyes at Eclipsedmoon, TealClan was overflowing with romance. And of course all of those kits would need mentors…which would prove difficult considering half the clan were siblings, he thought, amused at the idea. After the problems they faced in the old forest, the idea of too many kits as a predicament was entertaining and reassuring that things were going in the right direction.

He smiled, happy that she agreed, but not in the least bit surprised. Even if he had been sitting in his den for a few days, not many cats would deny a request from their leader, even if they had other things on their agenda. Still…Snowpetal didn’t look irritated or frustrated at the thought of joining him. While some cats found his quietness off-putting, she seemed friendly enough…maybe even a little flirtatious? While Loststar wasn’t a good judge of who was flirting with HIM necessarily, that hadn’t happened for moons, especially in the midst of confident charming young toms. Morninglight was the only one who he had even thought had taken an interest in him…but that was many moons ago and something he had given up long ago. Especially judging by their encounter the week beforehand, he mentally winced at the thought. Still, if he had witnessed Snowpetal’s response to Crowflight for instance, he would have instantly labeled it as more than friendly.

He pushed those thoughts away, convincing himself he was over-analyzing the situation again, and his mis-matched gaze flickered over to her face. Pretty but way out of his league. It wasn’t even worth the thought. “Good, I thought we would walk through the territory, look out for any strange occurrences, and then head back to camp. That should give Crowflight and the other warriors a bit of a break.”

He stood up, stretching his long ebony legs, dusting off his pelt of the dust that had accumulated on his walk. He tipped his head in the direction. “Ready to go?” he asked.

[snowpetal]

snowpetal♥‏‏.

Snowpetal couldn;t help thinking that the leader was comfortable around her, and that all the awkwardness had left them. snowpetal and loststar were close in age, and at the moment, at least, snowpetal was finding his calming personality a bit attractive. of course, she didnt' say anything, and didn't want to upset her leader. loststar looked at her with his strange gaze and spoke. “Good, I thought we would walk through the territory, look out for any strange occurrences, and then head back to camp. That should give Crowflight and the other warriors a bit of a break.” snowpetal nodded at his logic, and headed off into forest. she knew it would have been more polite to let loststar lead, but she just couldn't sit still for one more second to let him make that decision. she hoped he would be following her through the bracken, and not sit there while letting her go off by herself.

The forest today seemed a bit off. there wasn't much activity, just a strange silence that beckoned for snowpetal to venture deeper into its heart. she padded at a normal speed until she reached the first border. snowpetal hoped that loststar was intrigued by her suddenly outgoing burst instead of scared of it. usually the perfect little warrior would follow one pace behind the leader and let them lead through the patrols. of course, snowpetal wanted to go against the grain, and changed the rules a bit.

The border near Highcliffs was where she had started the patrol. it was a good place to start, and then they could make their rounds through the territory. snowpetal hoped that she could get to know loststar a bit better, see how he ticked, what annoyed him and what pleased him. turning over her silver tabby shoulder and flicking her tail around, she called out to the bushes behind her, hoping loststar could hear her. "Should we begin here?" it seemed like a good enough place. then the nerves kicked in, and she hoped loststar wasn't mad at her for taking control of the situation and starting off before he began. sitting down on the ground, she laid her tail along her paws as if to hide herself from doing something wrong. but, in her mind, no crime had been committed. she would need to see what loststar said.

puppet;; snowpetal
count;; 393
muse;; below average
directed towards;; loststar, open

[loststar]

Loststar

It was a touch surprising when Snowpetal took the lead, her silver-hued tabby pelt weaving through the foliage of TealClan, but not insulting or frustrating in the least. It was rather nice not to be expected to make all the decisions of what other cats did, where they went, or how they went about it. He was used to cats gazing expectantly for his every command instead of taking the initiative to make a good decision. If cats couldn’t take charge with him catching them if they fell, how could he trust them to lead TealClan if he wasn’t around? It always pleased him to watch strong capable cats, reassuring that TealClan would not fall apart should something happen to him and it made him proud to be their leader.

He snapped out of his thoughts and began to walk briskly after her, the leaves brushing against his ebony pelt, snapping as his large and fairly muscled body pushed back the bushes and branches in his path. He eventually spotted her, near the cliffs of TealClan that marked the territory on almost a constant slope. Looking out he could see their territory, thick with pine trees and criss-crossed with old and beaten hiking trails Two-legs must have enjoyed walking on many moons ago. He glanced over at her, surprised at her posture, almost guilty, or at least awaiting his judgment at her taking control over the situation.

He smiled, still a tad out of practice at putting she-cats at ease, or even having the opportunity to put she-cats at ease…usually they kept a wide berth of his quiet and serious demeanor. He padded closer and met her gaze, his eyes flickering with light. “This is a good spot,” he answered, approving of her choice. “Lead the way Snowpetal,” he added, comfortable in relinquishing that control over to her. She seemed to have made good choices as of late and he found it surprising how easy it was to trust her with making those decisions. Usually he preferred to lead for fear others would lead them astray. It seemed easy with her.

He studied her more closely, although carefully, not wanting her to realize that he was studying her. At first, he had only noticed her for her striking looks, but she seemed to be more than she initially appeared. Smart, capable, outgoing, he felt less miserable being around her natural spunk. She seemed an interesting character, and one that he would want to get to know better, maybe even become friends, as strange as a thought that was to Loststar.

[snowpetal]

snowpetal♥‏‏.

snowpetal was a bit surprised when he told her to keep leading. but it was a good surprised. it was the kind of surprised that told the pretty she-cat that she was doing what he wanted her to. loststar still showed no liking to snowpetal, and seemed completely oblivious to her tries at being flirtatious. she wasn't really practiced in this field, and knew that loststar wasn't either. still, she kept trying. "Okay, boss!" she smiled lightly and pressed on, along the border with HighCliffs. it was a beautiful day, and snowpetal couldn't help sighing a bit as she realized how great the wetness of the grass felt along her pads. it was a contented sigh, one that told how happy she was here. she loved her whole clan, even though they had gone through some hard times lately. but she was really trying to live now. and it was sort of working out for her.

snowpetal trotted along patiently, and tried to stay next to loststar. she didn't want him to be trailing her from behind. he was still the leader, even though she told him to lead. snowpetal trotted next to his ebony pelt, and they were so close that they were practically touching. there was nothing out of the ordinary here, so she started going a bit inland, away from the border. out of nowhere, curiosity struck her. was it hard to be a leader? she wanted to ask him, but didn't want to infringe on his privacy....but the thought was gone and she decided to ask anyway. it wouldn't hurt to at least try to make conversation. he was a bit silent and calming, which was nice, but she still wanted to get to know him better. "so, loststar, what is it like to be a leader? stressful? easy?" she was honestly just curious, and as they padded along, she was really enjoying his company.

puppet;; snowpetal
count;; 319
muse;; not much for snowpetal at the moment...
directed towards;; loststar, open

[loststar]

Loststar

His lips twitched in a ghost of a smile and he padded after her, not quite sure how to label her actions towards him. No doubt she was lovely, fun, full of energy, and most likely, nowhere near interested in a tired cat such as himself. Was she merely being nice because he was the leader and she wanted to make a good impression? Or was she interested in him as a cat? Or was he simply overanalyzing this whole situation, so surprised that a cat, a she-cat at that, was paying attention to him? He couldn’t be sure and his mis-matched eyes flickered with confusion, although he kept it well masked.

He almost stopped in surprise but recovered quickly, slightly stumbling over his large black paws in shock. One would think this would be a common enough question, but in all his moons as TealClan leader, not once had a single cat posed that inquiry. While cats no doubt wondered what it was like, most were too shy to ask the leader anymore than questions pertaining to the clan itself, such as prey, patrols, or the next gathering. He admired that she had the guts to ask something like that and the curiosity to even want to get to know him. It seemed as leader that sometimes his own feelings were disregarded. He was a leader, a symbol of strength, and it was easy to forget he had fears and hopes just like the smallest kit in the nursery.

He kept pace next to her silvery tabby pelt, all of the sudden, awkwardly aware of every time her tabby stripes brushed against his black coat, the miniscule space between them suddenly humming with energy. He slowed a bit, but kept walking, gathering his thoughts to a question he hadn’t thought about it a long time. “It’s a great honor,” he replied. “And that’s the only thing most cats think. But more than honor, it’s a huge responsibility, one that can’t be fully fathomed or explained. It’s a huge weight to know that the whole clan is depending on you and when you make a mistake, it’s crushing. But when things are going right and I am improving the lives of everyone here…I can’t think of a better feeling,” he added honestly, his deep voice shadowed with sincerity. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world,” he commented, his voice quieter again as they crossed a two-leg path leading away from the border. “But I’m glad you asked,” he added, a small smile etched on his strong features. “Most wouldn’t, but I’m glad you do.”

[snowpetal]

snowpetal♥‏‏.

They were walking close to each other, but as loststar slowed his pace, so did snowpetal. he liked his presence, it was soothing. he seemed surprised that she had asked him that question, like he had never been asked it before. all leaders must have been asked that question in their lives...weren't the warriors interested? well, snowpetal was, and she wanted to learn more about the tom. and as he smiled, so did she. he was answering honestly, and she couldn't believe that he trusted her this much. it was like he had totally opened up to her. of course she asked that question. what else could she say. they stepped over the old twoleg path, and kept walking up toward the camp now. what else was she supposed to say to him? she was nervous, and it was hard for snowpetal to start conversations under pressure like this.

"well, loststar of course i asked. i really like you." it sorta just came out. what was she thinking, telling him this so abruptly?! was she out of her mind? she didn't even lead up to it like she had planned...time to make up for her mistake. before he could say anything, for she knew that he would be in surprised right now, she covered herself up. "...as a leader, of course. that's what i mean. i like you... as a leader..." what a horrid mistake on her part. how was she going to get away from this one....it would take a while...

puppet;; snowpetal
count;; 253, i was in a hurry sorry haha
muse;; blehhhh
directed towards;; loststar, open

[loststar]

Loststar

“I really like you.”

He could have sworn that was what she said. But part of him, the rational logical side that so frequently dominated his thinking screamed that his ears were playing tricks on him. Not enough rest, too much sun…any number of reasons other than she had actually said that she liked him. Not even in the romantic sense of the word, hearing that from a cat, a pretty she-cat at that, was mind-boggling. He blinked in surprise, words fumbling around in his mouth, his throat suddenly dry.

Her next words came as a cursed blessing, as a leader, of course, most cats liked him as a leader. It was partially a relief, lovely young she-cats did not deserved the scarred and silent warrior he had become, and he privately thought that he didn’t deserve any more heartbreak. He could not be sure of her motives, although by now he had admitted that her actions toward him had past that of a warrior speaking to a leader or even two clan mates interacting with each other. But what was she after? Certainly not his…”rugged” good looks, not with a deputy like Crowflight around anyway. Was she intrigued by his so carefully guarded personality or his position within the clan? He suppressed a groan of frustration. He previously thought the only trouble with his love life would be actually getting a she-cat to notice him, not getting her to notice him for the right reasons.

Still, he wasn’t sure if his heart was completely free to give either. A flash of a slender golden she-cat flickered through his mind and he winced as if he had been stung by the very thought. He had thought he was completely over her and with all the duties that came with being a leader, he hadn’t had the time to think about her, even if he wanted to. But his last encounter with Morninglight…he couldn’t help but be struck once again by her subtle beauty and grace and the dedication she had for her clan and Beestripe. It had once again plunged him back into the life he thought he had given up for good. Visiting them again was a mistake and he was paying for it dearly. Every step he took his heart thudded uncomfortably, knowing that every second that passed was another chance for Snowpetal to have her feelings hurt or feel like he was mentally incompetent.

But what about that she-cat who walked next to him? Pretty, gorgeous even, the kind of beauty that anyone would have been very surprised to see walking next to him. Fun to be around, even succeeded in bringing him out of his usual slump, but certainly deserved more than a tom with an uncomfortable load of baggage. She didn’t even know what she was getting herself into. What is she still wanted you? A treacherous impulse voice whispered. Loststar almost shook his head at that idea, it wasn’t even worth thinking about.

And she was still waiting for an answer. “Er…thanks…I like you too…” he answered, unable to meet her eyes and instead gazing down at his large black paws. “As a warrior..of course”.

[tallstone]

anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before — it takes something from him.

[/color]
He was going to be a father again, this time to a second litter of kittens from Northwind who insisted that they were his and not that darned loner's. Castro, even the name felt scorned on his tongue, bitter and burned and broken like only he could be. Tallstone had always hated the loner with an anger and resentment that rivaled his own towards Northwind -- a tom who was "muscular" and "handsome" and "perfect" could sweep Northpaw off her feet so deftly, so impossibly brilliantly, that she no doubt thought of him when their dead son flickered through their minds, when she saw Cinderpaw's bright green gaze that was nothing like either of theres. In ever way, his living son acted and looked like Tallstone -- except for those eyes, and while Tallstone often tried convincing himself that such a gene could easily be gained through Northwind and her bright blue-green pools, he knew that it hadn't been. That even through a cat who was so much like himself, lied traces of the one cat that - the aging warrior believed - ripped their family apart.

But Tallstone had finally begun to understand the painful truth of the twisted family he had started -- Castro, Northwind, Cinderpaw, Talonpaw, and the new unborn kits that would grow up without a father, they would get it too. Everyone knew that their - the tall-shouldered, lithe warrior with a blue-gray coat and smouldering molten blue eyes, called Tallstone and the beautiful queen with captivating blue-green orbs and a sleek, intoxicating chocoalate marked, caramel coat called Northwind - relationship had been doomed from the start. While he could tell himself that it was her fault for not being committed enough, and she could easily turn the blame on him for not "loving me for the right reasons" she would say, he could just imagine it, both of them - somewhere deep, deep inside like dark flames threatening to burst out in a pentup, dangerous explosion of emotions - knew it, that there was no hope left for a relationship such as theirs. From this moment on, Tallstone had stopped caring. He had stopped trying.

-- but that didn't mean everything would stop, that each and every foolish action he did as an attempt for something important - to him - would utterly cease. That would mean that the Tallstone everyone knew, that they were familiar with, with his quiet voice and soft gestures wouldn't exist anymore -- and he would rather go to hell than have Northwind effect him that much. She had broken him down, shattered each and every piece, but he was still building back up. He would stop trying and caring for Northwind, but not the kits, not Cinderpaw, and certianly not her. Until the end of time, the soft-hearted, blue-eyed warrior swore he would fight for Morningwind's future, even if that "future" did not particularly include him. There would never be a moment in his heart would stop caring for her, he would stop trying to figure out their relationship, and in which she would not be apart of his twisted world.

Not that he wanted to be cruel, but Tallstone honestly couldn't imagine throwing Morninglight away in the same way he suddenly decided to discard his former mate -- not that he told Northwind yet, but he didn't find the need to. (she would cope with it easily because, if not for the sake and goodwill of the kits, she had never needed him as he used to crave her attention) When the kits were born, he would tell her - not that it would come as a surprise, with his constant absences and flickering glances to a particular sunkissed warrior - that he wouldn't and couldn't take it anymore, that they were no longer mates, nothing short of telling her I'm leaving you. No soft words, no sheepish apologies. Northwind didn't even deserve an I'm sorry. No way in hell. He would leave her in the same way she accepted him -- cold, emotionless, without even a second glance.

Although, enough about thinking about Northwind -- hadn't he just been determined to shove her out of his life? No, he was on this mission for Morningwind and Morningwind alone. Just that morning - or what felt like that morning at least, although it could have been a few days ago for the way he entirely went detached about this situation - he had been told that she was pregnant and even though he shouldn't have, Tallstone felt something inside him crumble. However, it was in a more guilty, distraight way than the emotions he used to feel with Northwind -- it wasn't pitiful or sad or pleading. The raw anguish, then anger, was easily placed -- even if he, as being in an utterly unestablished relationship with Morninglight, didn't have the right to feel - or right now, act - in such a way. But he couldn't help it. Tallstone, those words still echoing in his ears even now as he raced towards TealClan territory, felt like a brokenhearted apprentice when he just saw the cat in his dreams go patrolling with another tom. Not only sheepish, but awkard, wrong, dark. At the same time Tallstone wanted to cry and yell at her - how could she do this to him ? - he more importantly wanted to rip Loststar's throat out.

Against his better judgment, he had gone with the second idea -- to chase down TealClan's leader. Why? Because, quite honestly, he didn't think he could take another painful blow to his ego, and to his heart, by crying down in front of Morninglight. The most important reason was this: she had done nothing wrong - because there had been, and wasn't, anything between them - and she, out of every cat he had the opportunity to meet and get to know, she deserved to be happy. Even if it was with Loststar.

That's how he got to where he was know, tail swishing angrily and his molten blue eyes sparking with barely contained frustration, then abhorred hate towards Loststar who had succeeded where Tallstone always wanted to. He crouched down low beneath an arched tree, with snow-touched leaves covering his tabby-patterned gray coat, flecked with blue and brown touches, and hissed angrily, lips curled back into a furious snarl. (another she-cat, he thought furiously, wanting to shred the black leader who stood just a mouselengths in front of him, flirting with a pretty she-cat. how can you do this to morningwind?) in his haze of unabashed fury, he thrust a paw out and slammed it against one of the tom's, getting his attention rather quickly. he muttered through clenched teeth, "may I have a word with you, please?" then he inched his way out of the brush when he was sure Loststar had seen him and padded his way back to the RavineClan side of the border, tail twitching angrily. Tallstone sat down, curled his tail of his paws and sighed deeply as he waited.

what's morninglight going to say? he wondered.
how can he do this to her?

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[loststar]

Loststar

Loststar couldn’t pretend like the sudden appearance of Tallstone didn’t scare him out of his wits. He reacted as any experienced warrior would, lips curled back in a snarl, claws extended in an instance, scraping the ground as he jumped back and whirled around to face him. Pupils dilated quickly and he could feel the blood pounding in his head. He crouched protectively in front of Snowpetal, determined that she would get a decent head start while he held off their attacker. Standing at full height, Loststar was a formidable opponent, his mis-matched blazing, fur bristling on his back as he issued a low growl. It took a few seconds of staring down the molten blue eyes facing him, so different from his own, until he finally recognized the tom standing before him.

Can I have a word with you, please?

Tallstone. He sheathed his claws slowly, although the ebony hair did not quite lie flat on his back yet, even if his breathing slowed considerably. He studied Tallstone carefully, taking in his appearance, from the frustration in his eyes, to the anger in his step. Something was clearly disturbing him, and Loststar would have been a fool to think that suppressed anger wasn’t directed towards him. However he noticed Tallstone did not forget a “please” in his request, while Loststar was not sure there was any respect laced in his word, Tallstone was obligated to do so. Whatever his issue with the TealClan leader, it was still a confrontation between a leader and a warrior.

He nodded curtly, turning his head towards Snowpetal, who he was certain was completely befuddled with their interaction. “Snowpetal, I need you to return to camp. I won’t be long. If Crowflight asks where I am, tell him I will be back soon,” he told her, politely but firmly. He hoped she would do as he wished because they were friends…or at least he hoped they were. If she couldn’t do it as friends, she was required to obey him. He smiled at her, although it wasn’t a humorous situation, but he didn’t want her to worry. He wasn't worried anyway.

With one last look, he padded over to the RavineClan’s border where Tallstone waited for him, apparently fuming. He hadn’t reacted this way since he threatened Morninglight, and surely there was no new development in the news Loststar had relayed. Loststar had half a mind to refuse Tallstone and head back to camp, what could he do to stop him anyway? He wasn’t obligated to talk to him, certainly not a cat who had something fishy going on with Morninglight. Not that…he should care anyway, he reminded himself, swallowing in vain, his throat suddenly dry.

Still, for Tallstone to have chased him to his own territory, enfuriated Loststar which was quite a change from the usually cool-headed and rational leader. He had already left RavineClan in peace and not returned since. He was even getting his life back in TealClan, taking charge once more, making friends…Snowpetal flashed through his mind. For Tallstone to come back to shatter his life once more, come to rub salt into his wound, come to tell Loststar off, how much he had hurt Morninglight, how stupid he had been, everything he had told himself a thousand times.

What did he want to talk to him about anyway?...he thought, his eyes narrowing as he walked in front of Tallstone, maintaining a reasonable distance and sat down, his muscles still tense and eyes bright and alert. What if something happened to Morninglight? that terrible thought flashed through his mind, leaving him weak in the knees. Or worse, Beestripe…his chest seized at the idea, the first shadow of fear flickering over his features like a dancing flame. He was almost afraid of what Tallstone needed to say and regarded him with wider, apprehensive eyes.

Although, upon taking another glance over Tallstone’s face, Loststar was able to calm himself down considerably. If Beestripe or Morninglight was hurt, Tallstone wouldn’t have come running over to tell him. And he certainly wouldn’t be this furious. Loststar could catch a trace of sadness in his features, although shadowed heavily with a bitterness Loststar didn’t think was the face of grief. His eyes brightened considerably at that thought, even though a clearly enraged warrior stood in front of him.

“I am listening,” he answered, his eyes once again cool and impassive.

[tallstone]

anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before — it takes something from him.

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What was it like to fall out of love? He didn't know, but somehow he had. His mind was swirling with images not of his "beloved" Northwind, the same tantalizingly beautiful she-cat that he used to trail after with soundless paws and gaping jaws, with lovesick eyes and drooling tongues, but was suddenly filled with panicking images of an upset Morninglight -- a tear streaked face in place of her much simpler blissful one, the white sunlight catching in her sweet emerald eyes, and her solemn face, jaw tense and eyes hard, whenever she seemed to look at him. Suddenly, he wanted to do anything he could to wipe that frown that was sure to be there off her face. A pang shot through his heart at not the sick, disgusted and hateful glare of his mate directed only at him, but of the disappointed look on Morninglight's face that wasn't even there yet.

Northwind had never been there for him. She had ignored him, tossed him away like yesterday's trash, for as long as he could remember. She had never spared him a second glance, instead where warm loving smiles and fluttering lashes should have been there were disgusted scowls and brushing past him as if he didn't exist -- and as far as Tallstone was aware, he had never existed in her world. The sad part was, he knew that he never would.

And perhaps it was this sudden, albiet incrasingly painful realization that struck him like a knife to the heart, but the tom suddenly was acutely aware of how wrong he had been of his mate -- or as he liked to think, his former mate. Not that the old relationships, the old feelings of awe and confusion and attaction, might have not arisen if he chose to look at Northwind in the same light that he had, but the idea of Morninglight in his heart instead of the pretty Bengal she-cat made his heart flutter and his paws dance, a wide smile stretching across his face in a way that he had not previous thought was possible for a cat like him.

Where as Northwind swept him away as she did almost everyone else, Tallstone had chosen this fate -- or so he like to think. Most of the time, the gray-blue tabby tom with molten cobalt eyes like smoldering lava hated that he had fallen for a cat that caused him so much internal anguish, that made him so physically weak as a result of this broken relationship. However, with Morninglight - the cat who had always been there for him in the very few moons that they had gotten to really know each other - he not only had started to like her in ways that he did not think was possible, not only did she instill the same sort of joyful emotions that had long been buried deep inside - but he actually liked liking her. Tallstone couldn't say he was in love with Morninglight, because a part of him still yearned for his old mate, but he wished he was. He really did.

But like the wind blasting a gush of air into his chest, he was suddenly pushed into a new reality and as his heart constricted with so many other thoughts, a part of him began to wonder if this new relationsihp would be any different than the twisted one he had with Northwind because, after all, wasn't Morninglight in love with another tom too? Yet, his heart broke at the thought of it -- the "it" not being his heart that was already shattered and taped poorly together from his failure at love with Northwind, but the act of the possibility of having the golden she-cat (in both heart and appearance, he knew) he had given his heart to, having her heart being stolen and broken just like his was. As Loststar came forth in gestures that were confusing and frustrated and angry as could possible be, Tallstone felt a ball of anger nearly explode inside of him. Was he really that much of a player - did he really not care that much - to see how this was going to hurt her?

Then, sucking in his breath, the RavineClan warrior looked slowly up to meet the black tom in the eyes, his face as nearly and impassive and smooth -- if not for the soft pain glowing in the back of angry waters, like rampant waves. The silence crackled between them, as if Tallstone thought he could convey all his anger and pain and frustration in those single instants. "what I don't understand..." he struggled, trying to find the words while fighting the urge to snap his head away. "why... who is... why.." his voice kept trailing off, getting weaker and weaker. his paws began to shake, whether out of frustration or anger it was impossible to say. he straightened his shoulders, took a deep breath and blurted, "how could you do that to her?[/b][/i]"[/color] thoughts suddenly overwhelmed him and tallstone jumped to his paws, blue torrents ablaze. "she's carrying your kits!"[/size] he all but shouted, his voice a tremor of anger. he didn't care if his latest conquest heard.

morninglight was the important one here !

"speech"

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